Children's anti-ableist perspectives on disabled caregivers
Marjorie Aunos is interested in how we can help children and parents to reframe disability so that it's seen a strong family identity rather than a burden. She collected stories from children because many of them have not yet integrated ableism and view disabled carers differently than the mainstream. Positive representation matters, so Marjorie shared the stories through social media.
I am interested in how we can help children and parents to reframe disability so that it's seen a strong family identity rather than a burden. I collect stories from the perspective of children because many of them have not yet integrated ableism and view disabled carers differently than the mainstream. Our positive representation matters, so I share the stories through social media.
A selection of Marjorie Aunos' posts
Ableism and parenting
In society, the way we conceptualise parenting is geared towards values from the majority culture, and according to a very narrow-minded view that parenting requires to be able-body and mind, all-encompassing, fast-paced, agile and providing to the needs of the children above our own (Campbell, 2009; Payne & McPherson, 2010). Any mother who is perceived as outside those standards of able-body, able-mind, are considered as incompetent and become prey to microaggressions and systemic discrimination (Campbell, 2009).
Internalised ableism
Despite resisting internalizing these preconceived notions, a lot of parents with disabilities still feel inadequate or like they are failing, which leads to shame and decreased wellbeing (Aunos et al., 2022; Jóhannsdóttir et al., 2022). They wish they could perform parenting as “it is ought to be”, or as they wish they could (Özkan et al., 2023; Parton et al., 2019). For fathers with disabilities who end up taking care of the children full time, their identity of stay-home fathers is in direct conflict with other preconceived notions society sets on fathers, leading them to feel “less than” because of their disability and homemaker status (Parchomiuk, 2014).
Children's perspectives
In the eyes of children around me, I am Wonder "Wheel" Woman.
Through their eyes, I become a Jedy that can fight off storm troopers and other villains from the Galaxy, with just my wheels and an ice cream.
I am also an ordinary mom who takes the 'accessible' bus with my son so we can do activities together.
Children are the best as they truly see the essence of a person. When disability is normalised or explained to them, they incorporate it as just something that is part of life and thus, part of their games.
What role does disability play in our relationship?
Children adapting to our abilities
Children respond to their parent’s verbal commands earlier than children of parents without a disability (Powell et al., 2019; Prilleltensky, 2004). Since there are some important physical limitations, mothers with disabilities have learned to use their voices and be clear in their verbal commands. Establishing a solid and positive relationship with one’s children with consistent parenting practices and positive reinforcement is what allow parents with disabilities to parent young children and teenagers. Children instinctively understand that things are done differently with the parent who has a disability and adjust their behavior (Aune, 2013).